There is unrest in Pigland. Fat pigs are quivering. Small pigs are squeaking. Medium pigs are grunting. This has been a bad month for them.
Firstly, there is this new epidemic – human flu – which has been scything through Pigland. As of date, no less than 17 pigs have been exterminated by this dreaded disease. The health ministry of Pigland is declaring emergency measures to combat this scourge. When it was pointed out that 17 is no big deal, that over 100 million pigs are slaughtered in the USA alone every year, he indignantly retorted, “Please do not cast these pearls of wisdom before a swine like me. This is a big health issue. We live in unhygenic surroundings. In gutters and like. No wonder we are referred to as ‘Sewer Ke Bacche’. So we have to do something. But don’t worry, there is a bacon of hope. A new drug can save you. One pork and you’ll be fine.” Meanwhile, the worried denizens of Pigland are roaming around the streets wearing masks. Which they only remove to dig their snout into some tasty garbage.
And then there was the case of the Big Ham. This ham is a huge star in Pigland and is referred to as the King of Pollywood. As such, he is used to getting salami from everyone. Now when the big ham visited Pig Apple, nobody there knew that he was a Very Important Pandhi. So they grilled him (without marination) for a couple of hours. Perhaps the customs there are different from the customs here. Same with immigration. But Big Ham didn’t like it at all. All his grunting & squealing was picked up by the media and he hogged the headlines yet again. He now says that he won’t even be sausaged by an apology.
And the third big event was the release of a book. From what we know, the book is quite a boar, but a big furore was created about some past leaders. Everyone wondered what the fuss was about. After all, we pigs are much more interested in today’s dinnah than yesterday’s Jinnah. But the lard & master of the author’s party expelled him unceremoniously. This has led to a huge rift in the party and the media is again having a field day with ample material for programs like ‘The Pig Fight’. Some states are banning the book, while in others, sales are zooming. So the author seems to be quite happy. He sowed and is now reaping.
In effect, there is unnecessary panic, uncalled-for indignation and undesirable friction in Pigland. All caused by the media, who ensure that every hog has its hay. That’s all for this week. Oink you folks.
Disclaimer : Pigland is a figment of my porcine imagination. It is just my shift from being punny to being panni.