The Nobel Peace Prize – Behind the Scenes

The announcement of Obama as the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize has raised a few eyebrows, shaken a few heads, and drawn a lot of ridicule. After all the committee had 205 nominations to choose from. So why pick a man whose formula for success is supposed to be 99% aspiration & 1% inspiration?

The internet is filled with imaginative theories on why he won. Some people feel it’s because his name is easier to pronounce than that of Ahmadinejad. Others postulate that he won it in a contest by virtue of being the tenth caller to the committee. All these theories may have merit, but one can never know for sure until 2059, which is when the deliberations of the Norwegian Nobel Committee will be released to the public.

However, painful persistence, dogged determination and a dose of hallucinogenic substances have allowed Let’s Put Da to lay its hands on the minutes of the committee meeting. So, dear reader, here they are…

(Note : In order to provide insight into the proceedings, the editor has randomly retained a few caricatured European accents derived by watching Peter Sellers movies and other such credible sources)

MINUTES OF THE NORWEGIAN NOBEL COMMITTEE

Nobel

Venue : Oslo
Date : October 2009
Chaired by : Thorbjorn Jagland
Also present : Kaci Kullman Five, Sissel Marie Ronbeck, Inger-Marie Ytterhorn, Agot Vlle
Agenda : To decide the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize 2009

TJ : I call zis meeting to order.

KK5 : Ja, Ja. It ees time we start.

TJ : Ladees & me, we are gathered here to choose ze Nobel Peez Prize. As you all know it ees very prestigious and carries a heck-of-a-lot-of money. So let us choose carefully and wisely.

IMY : Yess. Yess. I agree. Peace is precious. War is bad. I have been reading a book by Tolstoy on thees subject for the last 4 years. It really helps me sleep peacefully.

TJ : Ok, Ingel. Let us get ze started. Sissel, could you read out the first finalist plees…

SMR : Thees is a man from India. Called Morarji Desai. It seems he was so fond of pees that he used to drink it everyday.

(Admiring oohs & aahs fill the room)

AV : Drinking pees? Really.

SMR : Oui. So pees flows in his every vein.

KK5 : But alas he’s no more. Alfie’s rules were very clear. If you’re alive, urine. Else you’re out.

TJ : Ja. It would be wrong toilet someone get this award posthumously. So, sadly, we can’t choose him. Who’s next?

SMR : Ze second finalist is an organization…

TJ : Zats good. In ze past we have chosen noble organizations like the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change & the Pugwash Conferences on Science & World Affairs. Which one is thees?

SMR : Er… Lego.

AV : Lego? What do they do?

KK5 : They let you build things. Pees by Pees.

IMY : Ah, Pees is so constructive

SMR : Yes. Even ze Fuhrer thought so. He wanted to construct an empire. Through pees. With a littil pees of Poland, a littil pees of France. A littil slice of Turkey and a littil dab of Greece.*

TJ : Great man zat. Lot of brain. Some Braun. We wanted to invite him to Oslo, but he turned out to be a bunker.

AV : Anyway, back to Lego. Do we give them ze Nobel pees Prize.

SMR : Hey, look what it says here. It appears zat they make profeets. They are sustainable.

KK5 : Ooooh. No, no. We have to stay away from dirty capitalism.

AV : Oui, Oui. Ze prize can only go to someone who lives on handouts. We call it reserve prize.

TJ : Okay Lego is out then. Next finalist plees.

SMR : The third finalist is an Indian state called West Bengal.

IMY : A state? Zats interesting. How can a state foster pees.

SMR : Apparently they are very fond of peesh. They eat it everyday.

AV : India is a great country. They drink pees. They eat peesh…

TJ : Ja. I too have heard that in Bengal they can’t live without peesh. They not only try peesh, but also fry it.

KK5 : Hmmm. And their leader is called Buddha. I theenk we should give it to zem.

TJ : Okay. Call zem and check. Till zen, I weel watch an episode of “Mind Your Language”. It ees funny.

(Kaci Kulman Five returns after 10 minutes)

KK5 : Apparently the whole state is closed. Zey are on a strike. What they call a bandh.

TJ : Aaah, a peaceful protest. Ze good.

KK5 : Unfortunately, no. Apparently the state regularly has violent protests and is hartaling towards disaster.

IMY : I believe it ees becoming moribandh.

TJ : Sigh. Would have been good to make Buddha laugh. Anyway, never mind. Let’s look at ze others.

SMR : Yet another Indian. A person called Sreesanth. His name itself means Mr. Peace. And, it seems he ees always peesed with the world.

KK5 : Hey, how come there are so many Indians?

AV : Well, it ees the land of Gandhi after all.

IMY : That reminds me. Why didn’t Gandhi ever get a Nobel prize?

TJ : It ees there in the records. There was some dispute that many of his noble deeds were done by someone else. We read all the reports and found that half of them mentioned another guy called Ghandi. So it was all very confusing. Mama Mia.

SMR : Back to Sreesanth. It seems he gives all batsmen a pees of his mind. And we all know that pees of mind is a good thing.

IMY : It also says here that he bowls at a gentle pace. In a friendly manner.

KK5 : But he was involved in some violence, I see.

AV : No, no. He was slapped but didn’t fight back. He just cried.

IMY : But look at him. Look at his antics, his break dance.

SMR : Yeah, and his hairstyle. The way he looks now, Nobel will ever go near him.

TJ : Okay, let us come back to eem next year.

SMR : That leaves only one finalist. The US President Barack Obama.

(Gasp goes around the table)

KK5 : But what has he done for pees?

AV : Well, for starters, he hasn’t started a new war in 6 months of being president.

Chorus : Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja

IMY : Plus he shows a lot of potential

SMR : What potential?

AV : See I learnt in school that potential is measured as current into resistance. Now nobody can deny that he is current and faces a lot of resistance.

Chorus : Oui Oui Oui Oui Oui

TJ : But all he has done is make promises. Has ee kept any of ees promises?

SMR : Well, he did promise that he will bring in change.

AV : And…? Has he brought in change?

SMR : Not yet, but soon he will. By creating trillions of dollars, he has made sure that the dollar will become change. Small change.

Chorus : Aaaaaah

TJ : All that is fine, but we need some direct connection with pees.

SMR : Look, look. He is spending money to cultivate peas.

IMY : Yes. He has allocated $350,000 to explore the use of peas and to help cultivate peas.

KK5 : Great man. Great ambassador.

TJ : Ja, ja. Ok. Zat is zat then. Obama it ees. Kaci, plees call eem. Let us shock and awe him.

Disclaimer : If you believe the above to be true, you too can apply to join the Norwegian Nobel Committee.
Pics Credit : nobelpeaceprize.org
*Shamelessly lifted from the Mel Brooks version of “To be or not to be”.

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53 comments

  1. RAJ says:

    CLEVER SCRIPT!

  2. Vishu says:

    Damn goooood.

  3. Top drawer stuff. :) superb

  4. Ramsay says:

    Maan, you have an amazing gift. Let’s have more.

  5. priya says:

    they should give it to pillsbury. they do a lot of chakki peesing, peesing, peesing.

  6. Jalabee says:

    So, the Nobel committee in Sweden is all French?! French Commie Conspiracy!

  7. Dattaprasad Godbole says:

    But it’s Barack “OH!! BAM!! AAH!!”; how come they Nobel guys miss that??

  8. paranoid android says:

    They should give the peace prize to you also. After all, whatte wonderful pees of writing it is.

  9. Tina says:

    Absolutely hilarious. Still LOL….

    A bit disappointed with my own ignorance that I chanced upon your blog so late. Hope you win the Best New Indiblog.

    Pees be with u!

  10. Kishan says:

    A true masterpiece. I took the liberty of adding your blog to my Reading List. Hope you dont mind. And please keep articles like these coming…

  11. Madhav says:

    Hilarious…..

  12. astik says:

    well with reference to Mel Brooks…

    Mel copied the entire move (and the title) from “To Be or Not to Be,” a 1942 comedy film directed by Ernst Lubitsch. more at:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Be_or_Not_to_Be_%281942_film%29

    so you need to change that asterisk. also, decently written peace ;).

  13. Siddharth says:

    Hey just reached your blog! This is hilarious!

    One more nominee for next year…all marketing people who discuss “4 Peas” of marketing :D

    Peas for all!

  14. […] discussing this year’s peace prize. If you really really want to know how Obama did it, read Ramesh Srivats’ or take a look at Jai Iyer’s. Since it has been given away, I see no point in going on […]

  15. Ranga says:

    Ramesh saar, here is another attempt to decode the lozic behind Obama as the choice for thees award:
    http://rangarajaniyengar.wordpress.com/2009/10/14/peas-pulao-french-fries-and-nobel-peace-prize/

  16. Ekta Khetan says:

    Abzolute Hilariouz piece by peas and phish by pees!!!

    Other contenders could be-

    1. mallika sherwat [boringly] for her 2-3 pieces
    2. Ambani bros[obviously] for their 2P theory of papa & power.

  17. “If you’re alive, urine. Else you’re out.”
    LOL
    nice read :)

  18. Matz says:

    Absolutely fantastic pees Ramesh…. dil mange more pees…

    Pees out !

  19. Wonderfully humourous! Quite a pees de resistance!

  20. murthy says:

    awesome pees of writing man… seriously u must be a master pees to write this kinda scene in a pees of paper i mean site.. lols … i loved it…

  21. Mandar says:

    LOL !

    Amazing observations !

  22. sharbani says:

    absolutely contagiously hilarious!!

  23. Ammar says:

    Why do zey have 4 women and only one man! zis is gender bias. No gender bias for peez!

  24. Kamlesh says:

    hilarious post!! :) Potential is current into resistance :)) too witty :))

  25. AM Aravind says:

    ROTFL!! :D
    Loved every bit of it! :)

  26. […] : Ramesh Srivats What : The Nobel Peace Prize – Behind the Scenes Tangy : We have an all exclusive ‘Behind the Scenes’ information on how a Nobel Peace […]

  27. Sheer awesomeness and a laugh riot !!! :D

  28. […] Srivats was an invisible spectator at the meeting where they selected Pres. Obama as the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize [hat tip: Rambo […]

  29. Rajesh says:

    Bloody hilarious. And I am not going to try any pun here because they will all be lilliputs in front of this Gulliverian tale.

  30. Kiran says:

    I’m not going to insult the outstandingly outstanding pees’es of humor in this article by picking one or 2. All im gonna do is . .Salute you! This one’s your best so far! Is your alter ego a bottle of wine by any chance? coz you only get better with age :P

  31. VK says:

    Zis ees a nice pees ofa writing. Enjoyed it totally!

  32. […] The Nobel Peace Prize – Behind the Scenes | LET'S PUT DA SMR : That leaves only one finalist. The US President Barack Obama. (Gasp goes around the table) KK5 : But what has he done for pees? AV : Well, for starters, he hasn’t started a new war in 6 months of being president. Chorus : Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja IMY : Plus he shows a lot of potential SMR : What potential? AV : See I learnt in school that potential is measured as current into resistance. Now nobody can deny that he is current and faces a lot of resistance. Chorus : Oui Oui Oui Oui Oui TJ : But all he has done is make promises. Has ee kept any of ees promises? SMR : Well, he did promise that he will bring in change. AV : And…? Has he brought in change? SMR : Not yet, but soon he will. By creating trillions of dollars, he has made sure that the dollar will become change. Small change. (tags: obama nobel satire humor) […]

  33. Ramesh Srivats says:

    Thanks all for the nice words.
    Pees be with you.

  34. Ishan Marvel says:

    Been a while since I visited the blog, I see it is as delightful as ever. Puns up!

  35. avid00 says:

    How come Katrina Kaif miss out on nominations? After all, she stands out for not one but her two-pees casts.

  36. Ramesh,
    I was waiting for you to trip on this one….and you did, and how. super funny…loved the bong and the lego bit…..insane. Anyway I think winning the nobel peace prize it is like getting 100/100 in a moral education paper. All you need to do is to know what it takes to be a good boy. Probably the most peaceful prize to win.

  37. Rohan says:

    Zees ees priceless. BTW, if you’re linking to an article, please use the full URL, so eet increases their Google Rank.

    Pees be to you.

  38. naren says:

    Hahaha! Enjoyed immensely!

    I had previously thought that the only reason someone would give the Nobel to Barack Hussain Obama would be because the letters in his name cn be rearranged to form “A Maharani Kabob Cuss” AS WELL AS “A Marihuana Casks Bob”, which is incredible.

    I mean, you couldn’t do that withRamesh Srivats now, could you? Or Narendra Shenoy, for that matter.

    Of course now the matter is clarified beyond doubt.

  39. priya says:

    brilliant. hilarious. and daem… the ‘what a fine pees’ one has been done to death here before i got here.
    maybe raj thackeray should get it… he’s sworn to make biharis pees-pees, no?

  40. Mihir Modi says:

    MAHALOL… One of your best so far!

    Okay, next we want to see you take on Bigg Boss, government’s plans to start 300 IIMs and IITs and some more Ram Sena :)

  41. Dibyo says:

    The post was funny, till I saw the picture of the Nobel Committee and lost my appetite.

  42. […] The Nobel Peace Prize – Behind the Scenes | LET'S PUT DA […]

  43. Vinod Sharma says:

    Brilliant as always! Why did you pees so much? This post seems to have got drowned in pees and is not showing up in the updates in Blogger. What a Bugger you are…pees or no pees, you don’t stop!

  44. Subbu says:

    Ambani brothers for next years nominations? They are tearing each other pees by pees….

  45. arun says:

    A truly rip-roaring pees!
    You certainly won’t be considered for the next Pees prize – for inciting raucous laughter and disturbing the pees of the neighbourhood.

  46. Gireesh Subramaniam says:

    I am eagerly waiting for next Year’s announcement.Sreesanth is in queue and if he wins ,I wont be surprised at all.

  47. @nks says:

    ja ja ja !! now thees iz ze pees of art…. u should get ze nobel too …

  48. Great peeeece of writing! My quest for peees ends here. You have the right peeerspective of all kinds of peeees. You could be nominated for this peeece for 2010, Ramesh!

  49. Awesome, as usual. ‘If you’re alive, urine. Else you’re out.’ Laughed out loud on that one.

  50. […] The Nobel Peace Prize – Behind the Scenes | LET'S PUT DA […]

  51. gauri says:

    Nice pees, dat! Now ze Obama, he be eva so grateful, he be minding his Pees Sankyus!

    Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja.

    On another note, I wonder if this translates to a “Here, keep this – and don’t make an Iraq out of Iran”?

    g

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