Voting for the Indibloggies has started and exit polls indicate that the voters are hopelessly in splits. So some of us candidates have decided to form a united front with a common, extremely minimum programme. Presenting – The Progressive Union of Bloggers.
While the PUB has many happy hours, we understand that you, dear reader, have only a few minutes to spare. So here are short, snappy, 100-word speeches from the members of this alliance…
High folks, Ice stand before your ice in order to wine for your votes. Let me be gin by explaining to you that it is only beer pressure that is making me solicit so shamelessly. But if we win we promise you many sops (and hops). We promise not justice but soda and water too. Not mere roads but high ways. So give us your cheers and give the others booze. We guarantee full freedom. You can be physically loose as long as you are mentally tight. And one last pint – Vote not just once, but bar bar.
Four score and 10 years ago, this country made a pledge – to stop using obscure terms like “score” and use normal language instead. To boldy go where no enterprises have gone before. To be on the side of the inconvenient truth so that our hearts warm to the glow of the heating earth. So that the force is with us, the mass of a billion people accelerating towards global domination. Our wings are on fire and we’d like to spend more than one night at the call centre. To achieve these dreams requires a blog-ical coalition, a coalition of the shilling, a coalition that makes a killing, a coalition of laughs action heroes who uplift the masses against the cruel burden of gravitas and lift them to rofland. Vote for us people. We will sing lol-labies for you for the rest of your online life.
Kya aap advertising khabron se pareshan hai? TV campaign, crowdsourcing, social media, jaise kayi campaigns se information overload ki bimari hai?. Haan bhai haan? Bas subah sham lijiye do spoon Bhatnaturally. Aur aapki chinta gaayab. Poye Pocchu! Chole gaye che. Jee haan, Advertising, Apple aur New Media khabron aur vicharon ka lajawab mishran, Bhatnaturally. Advertising jadibootiyon se bana sampoorn swadeshi, Bhatto-Bhat-naturally. Utterly Bhatturly, Bhatnaturally. Jaldi kijiye, aaj hee apna vote daliye.
…and the alliance gets stronger…
Years ago the Incas and Aztecs prophesied many things like wads of cash being dumped in the hose of commons, A singer doing an item song and later getting his ass kicked by an ichadari nag, and a nasal crooner performing to a packed house at the wembley when even dual oscar winners fail to. We all knew that didn’t we, but then their greatest prophecy was lost forever as the scroll was drowned in a gigantic vat of sambar. The scroll however now recovered prophesizes the formation of a motley crew of bloggers who will change the face of the blogiverse. Vote PUB to power and the ministry of entertainment will ensure the deluge of beef avail that is dished out in the name of cinema these days. More reviews, more gore and of course we shall get rid of poverty and world peace. Spread world peace i.e by not bombing countries but planets and moons!
PS: Don’t tell me that you believe the greatest recipe in the world was invented by some maami from mambalam. The kannadigas failed to recreate the recipe and then made up for it by adding some nuts and gave it a different name.
Dear people who put things on Ramesh’s blog. Ramesh & I have a lot of things in common. We are both sexy individuals.
Being the World’s 1062nd richest man I could rig the election but I will do nothing. You may accuse me of tampering with the EVM’s and bribing the electoral officers. You may file a case in the High Court and appeal in the Supreme Court and have the CBI investigate the matter.
In the middle Mosques might break and riots might happen. Brothers will fight for gas but Deve Gowda will always be greater than Barack Obama.
What were we talking about again?
So, dear reader, play your part for a brighter tomorrow. Make up for not voting in the Lok Sabha Elections. Basically vote for a different set of jokers.
The PUB is open to all. Just send a mail to letsDOTputDOTdaATgmailDOTcom. With a 100-word speech. This post will get updated as and when.
We wanted to start an RSS feed, but the BJP objected.