2010 : Tweet by Tweet – Part 2

Hello again. And here’s Part 2 of MMXredux, which incidentally, has a high probability of being the Latin term for “2010 Revisited”. Which goes to show that there is, in turn, a high probability that I am a classical scholar, who’d be at home in Rome. A persona grata indeed.

Part 1 was a selection of tweets that pertained to actual events that happened in 2010. While this post is a selection (with no real standards) of my general views on things, neatly segregated into topics. So you could say that Part 1 comprised my topical tweets organized by time. While Part 2 has my er… timely tweets organized by topic.

Here they are. And as we say in Rome – Caveat Lector.

On media : Who are supposed to be the watchdogs of democracy, but have unfortunately misplaced the watch.

Now that they’ve launched the Crest Edition, the rest of TOI can focus on the trough.

Newspapers have columns, while TV channels have rows.

Every issue has a poll from Barkha, a debate from Arnab, a theory from Rajdeep and of course, a solution from C-Bag.

TV news is weighed down by its anchors.

When entertainment channels start showing reality shows, news channels have to move to fiction, no?

Barkha Dutt came out so strongly against raw news that I’ve started wondering if all NDTV news is cooked-up.

Arnab & Rajdeep will make a fantastic pair. Arnab never lets anyone complete a sentence, while no sentence of Rajdeep is worth completing.

And more on Arnab. You can love him or hate him. But you just can’t interrupt him.

Some people are born Arnab. Some people achieve arnabdom. But most people have Arnab thrust upon them.

Rajinikant once completed a sentence in an Arnab interview.

I wish it had been Arnab instead of Moses on Mt. Sinai. He wouldn’t have allowed God to go beyond one commandment.

On cricket : Where our players topped the ranking, while BCCI continued to top the banking.

Dear BCCI, how can cricket be a cash cow if it doesn’t have UDRS?

The problem with BCCI is that it focusses on “Board of Control” more than “Cricket in India”.

India has now played more ODIs than any other team. As per Bharatiyaar’s advice – ODI vilayadu papa.

Not taking wickets is a cultural thing. In India you don’t dismiss anybody. You just transfer them.

In the Nepali cricket team, every player can be the nightwatchman.

Knock knock | Who’s there? | Uda Walawwe Mahim Bandaralage Chanaka Asanka Welegedara | Okay, come in one by one.

The last time Ponting showed some form was at the Indian immigration counter.

On Indian players. In batting order (for no reason)

When Sachin bats, there’s “noise in stadium”. i.e. “din in game”. An anagram of “Indian Gem”. Which translates to “Bharat Ratna”. QED.

#tamil Sehwag really lives up to his name. Viru virunu varuvan. Viru virunu adippan. Viru virunu povan.

Rahul Dravid will make a lousy Cinderella. He would just let the ball go.

Most of Laxman’s big partnerships have been with the wall or with the vaal. #tamil

The feeling you get when you see a guy underperform yet again – Jadeja Vu

Dhoni is always ready to help creatures on the verge of extinction. Tigers. And before that Ravindra Jadeja.

It’s a good thing Anil Kumble got a circle named after him. That’s the one place he regularly gets turn.

One must admire Harbhajan’s honesty. He clearly declares that he is off spin.

On Bollywood : Which suffered from a big credit squeeze, that was subsequently passed on to Chetan Bhagat

Release of Rann postponed. Looks like RGV is worried it’ll turn out to be another also-Rann.

Things not looking good for ‘My name is Khan’. You see, it’s an anagram of ‘sank in mayhem’.

The next time my car breaks down, I’m going to call Amitabh Bachchan. I heard he is everybody’s ambassador.

Be very careful when you go to see Raavan. If the ticket price is shown as Rs.200 per head, you may have to pay Rs.2,000.

Raavan seems to suggest that Sita failed the agni pariksha. And became Ash.

And while on Raavan, do you know that Vaali & Sugreeva made the same film thousands of years back. It was a Vaanar Brothers production.

On politics : Where we saw much drama and great comedy. But hardly any action.

Parliament is the place where badly-behaved people have an unruly discussion about what they saw on TV yesterday.

Parliament is a laws-making PSU.

If the govt. takes over google, “I’m feeling lucky” will be replaced by “Do you know who my father is?”

India doesn’t practice democracy. We practice elected aristocracy.

People join politics for public goods.

When a politician says “the buck stops here”, what exactly does he mean?

If “buck” is responsibility, then he’s a good guy. If “buck” is money, then he’s a bad guy. If “buck” is a deer, then he’s Salmaan Khan.

On society : Where we have thought police, moral police, culture police; every kind of police except police police.

I propose that the national song of India be changed to Bandh-e-Mataram.

Corny slogan suggestion : Say nah to the Sena.

Did you know that “it’s Bal Thackeray” is an anagram of “He balatkars city”?

MNS is a mns to society.

MNS demands that flights out of Mumbai should not use Bernoulli’s Principle. They should use Abhyankar’s Conjecture instead.

These violent “nationalists” are a real pain in the RSS.

The RSS is India’s most accessible party. Wherever you may be, they are just a stone’s throw away.

Pramod Muthalik is a champion of fundamental riots.

Just figured out why Pramod Muthalik sent goons to bit up youngsters in the Mangalore pub – His name anagrams to “thump amoral kid”.

The Ramayana had a subliminal message that the Ram Sene pounced on – if you Luv, you won’t be Kush. And vice-versa.

In Haryana – Thrashes to thrashes, lust to lust. If the khaps don’t get you, the cops must.

An optimistic Jat is one who sees that his Khap is half full.

What to tell a cop when he is kicking you out of a pub at 11.30 p.m. : Pitcher abhi baaki hai mere dost. Pitcher abhi baki hai.

General Stuff : The cracks that fell into the cracks

If all the potholes in NH-13 were laid side by side, it would still look exactly like NH-13.

I’ll never run a marathon. In the long run, I’ll be dead.

John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is completely out-of-date. It says nothing about telemarketers.

This 72 virgins business is an obvious sham. Paradise is actually the place where you get a great Biryani. #hyderabad

Warning : Do not believe this Axe Effect nonsense. A guy called Parashurama tried it centuries back and remained a bachelor all his life.

That’s that folks. I promise you, there’s no Part 3. You could, however, follow me on twitter. And do try Short Puts which is the archive of most of my tweets, with the added bonus of a new color scheme every time you refresh the page.

Disclaimer : Any offence given to any religion, state, nation, sex, profession, sect, caste, family, person, belief or delusion is entirely regretted. In other words, don’t beat me up, I’m a coward.

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  1. Roopesh Varma says:

    Jadeja Vu and ODI Vilayadu papa… the best… good job Ramesh…

  2. Yasir Khan says:

    You are awesome, man!

  3. ffdravi says:

    amazing spirit

  4. Chuck says:

    I’m denouncing atheism now.

  5. ramsay says:

    Hilarious, as always. But your non-Tamilian readers may have missed out on a lot of fun.

  6. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ramesh Srivats and Prasanth Vijay. Prasanth Vijay said: Again! Lemme put the #NSFW tag to remind myself not to open it here.. RT @rameshsrivats: "2010 : Tweet by Tweet – Part 2" http://j.mp/gg6KY1 […]

  7. Girish says:

    Totally put-ted on the spot !! Great going :)

  8. Hiren says:

    Whoa ! Two blogs back to back.
    Welcome back to blogger world.
    Lets Put da like this very often in 2011 :)
    Happy New Year.

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