Yes, yes. As we all know, that’s how we do it on Twitter. People become tweeple, meet-ups become tweet-ups, and twins become er… you get what I mean. So as we twug along in 2012, twondering tworriedly if the twayans were twight, maybe it’s twime to do a twitrospective of 2011. Through my tweets, as you no doubt twigured out. So here goes. Twenjoy…
John Lennon once told us to imagine a world without boundaries. Dravid & Gambhir just gave us a brief glimpse of it.
Any chance of Rahul Gandhi entering the cabinet? Isn’t it time Sonia did some beta testing?
Maybe Yeddy could be sent to Kashmir. In a few years, all the land will belong to his family, and all problems will be solved.
The Republic Day parade should have a CBI tableau. Perhaps, a truck filled with clean chits.
Government of Egypt blocks all internet access. The country can now be renamed gypt.
Egypt should be divided. One-third to Mubarak. One-third to the protestors. And one-third to Nirmohi Akhara.
If you look at our recent captains, perhaps Sourav gave us a spine, Kumble gave us a heart, and Dhoni gave us balls.
Kasab to be counted in the census. Our govt has obviously misunderstood the term – “counter terrorism”.
Business Idea: Facebook Holidays. Where you don’t really go anywhere but we create lots of photos for you to share.
100 phones tapped each day per operator. Finally we have a government that listens to us.
Vote for Baba Ramdev. He’ll be the PM who can help you make your ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.
Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance. They can call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.
Kalmadi’s aide is in jail. Raja’s aide is dead. Satish sharma denies ever having an aide. India seems quite serious about eradicating aides.
Police Manual: if it’s one guy, take a bribe. If it’s a couple, harass. If it’s a bunch of people, lathi charge. If it’s a mob, disappear.
Sachin’s father must be getting a bit irritated now. Every bastman looks up towards him after a century.
Yuvraj has a major Oedipus complex. He just doesn’t let go of MoM
According to Census 2011, there are 940 females for every 1000 males in India. Those 60 unfortunate men join the Ram Sene, i guess.
I think the best way to get things done in India from now on is to say, “Do it for Sachin”. Eg. Could you fill this pothole? For Sachin.
Dear Baba Ramdev, we can’t ban 1000 & 500 rupee notes. We are a secular country. So we need to respect all denominations.
Some days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense. Other days, he is silent.
Hello Suresh-ji. | Namaste Raja-ji. | What are you here for ji? | CWG. And you ji? | 2G | Okay-ji.
Two weapons against corruption: Lokpal and Chappal.
A documentary on Air India’s planes – Saare Zameen Par.
I really don’t understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem. Chemically speaking, it’s a solution.
Since 1977, West Bengal has been crawling along at approximately 0.00000000001 kmph. They’ve just covered 3 CMs in 34 years.
Once P&G buys Unilever, the unified entity can be called Procter and Gamble and Lever. Abbreviated to PaGaL.
Gandhi would have been a great bowler. He could do spin as well as fast.
Hmm… Anna,… Baba. Good alphabetical start. I predict that the next fast will be by Chacha Chaudhary.
Baba Ramdev is going to create an army with a headcount of 11,000. Or a leg-count of 22,000. Depending on which side is up.
I think Jaya should become a BJP ally. She’ll get along with Sushma. Also with Hema & Rekha. Sabki pasand Nirma.
Three generations of Bachchans – BigB, WannaB, and now BayB.
25-paise coins to go off circulation from Jun 30. The govt feels they can’t handle one Anna, so there’s no need for four.
Every night families in rural U.P. must be shuddering in anticipation of Rahul Gandhi piling on to their dinner and whacking their charpai.
I think Manmohan should get VVS Laxman into the cabinet. The UPA is in major trouble in its second innings.
After 8² years of independence, most Indians can’t afford 3² meals a day. But try protesting. And section 12² will be imposed.
Kalmadi: So what are you here for? | Anna: Jan Lokpal bill. And you? | Kalmadi: Er… video bill, sponsorship bill, catering bill, etc.
Karunanidhi should put out a statement – What do you mean Tihar is filled with DMK? As of today it contains Anna, DMK.
India has a very Twitter friendly bowling attack. No one crosses 140.
Maybe Om Puri just thought that ganwaar was the short form of ganwaarnment.
All MPs to get iPads. Awesome. As Om Puri would say, from anPad to iPad in 3 days.
“N>ass>er” has a straight “ass” in it, while “Hu<ssa<in” has a reverse one. #JustSaying
Hidden somewhere in Sharad Pawar’s asset declaration form is a small line in 6pt italics – *all figures in Rs. ’000.
It’s been a pretty decent tour for india. We beat three teams – Sussex, Kent & Leicestershire. And lost to only one – England.
The word “Engineer” is derived from “Anjaneyar” (or Hanuman), who built a bridge and didn’t hang around with girls. #itallhappenedinindia
Twitter: What’s happening. FB: Who’s happening. LinkedIn: I’m happening. Orkut: Happen with me. Google+: Why is nothing happening?
Modi’s to-do list – Saturday: Peace ☑. Sunday: Unity ☑. Monday: Harmony ☐. Tuesday: Unlimited Thali ☐.
From now on NaMo shall be written as namo. Why? Because Modi doesn’t like CAPS.
Bangalore may have a nice past. And a great future. But there’s no current.
India: ♫ Home shanti home, shanti, shanti home. ♫ | England: ♬ Main tho away away away away lut gaya. ♬
Infosys: More profits means great quarter. | UB: More quarters means great profit.
BJP guy gives 500 rupee notes to journalists for +ve Rath Yatra coverage. He must have heard that a good reporter always takes notes.
A woman saw her husband stepping into the path of a speeding car. “Car. Watch out,” she screamed. He lived, & we celebrate Karva Chauth.
It’s VVS Laxman’s birthday today. Much celebration all over India. 2-minute silence in Australia.
Anna Hazare breaks vow of silence. So Manmohan Singh wins this one.
A bigtime Eid Mubarak to all. Except of course, goats. Who tend to look at EID backwards.
Why was Cyrus Mistry chosen over Noel Tata? Well, that’s the subject for a Mistry Noel.
Maybe Walmart should quietly slime in after indianizing their name to Agarwalmart.
Must see The Dirty picture. Silk Smitha. Nylex Nalini. Polyester Padmini. They are the ones who formed the er… fabric of our society.
Okay everyone. Stop what you’re doing and get ready for 13/12/11 10:09. The Madhuri Dixit in reverse moment.
Think of the tiger. Think of hockey. Now you get it? The real problem with the rupee is that it is the national currency of India.
PM says India and China are good friends. Of course we are. We have so much in common. Like Arunachal Pradesh.
Anna is now in Chennai. And pleasantly surprised that everything in that city is named after him.
What? Russia has banned the Gita? We should immediately retaliate by banning “Problems in General Physics” by Irodov.
Looks like this democracy is a very flawed system. Good thing we don’t have it.
Disclaimer: Dear Kapil Sibal, my account was hacked.