Dec 13

Great Expectations

My poor blog. Have been ignoring it for years now. Basically because these days even my thoughts never exceed 140 characters. But once in a while, I am forced to write these incredibly long pieces of er… 800 words. Like this article I wrote for Business World on “Digital in 2014″. They did publish it, and actually, instead of reading my blog, you can read it here. But, I thought, I might as well post it here also, and again start referring to myself as a ‘Blogger’. Why? Because it still does sound cooler than ‘Tweeter’ or ‘Facebookie’ or ‘Linkedinian’. No? Anyway, here it is… 

Hey, I got an easy topic to write on – Digital in 2014. Easy, because anyone can predict anything on digital, and everything will be wrong anyway. (The only man who usually got it right is sitting in heaven boring the hell out of God by telling him why the iPad Mini should not have been launched). And if by some chance, a prediction does turn out to be right, then I can immediately add “Technology Futurist” to my LinkedIn profile. So, what’s there to lose. Here goes…

In 2014, an incredible amount of useless data will be collected. Internet data, mobile usage, location fixes, wearable technology… where you are, what you’re doing, how you’re feeling… your heart-rate, blood pressure, bowel movements… everything will be captured, digitized and stored.

This ‘information’ will then be crunched by buzzword-based crowdfunded companies that offer real-time marketing using big data on the cloud on a freemium basis. These companies will help brands target you better with their free online services that are supported by ads from other free ad-supported online services. (Exception: Onions, however, will continue to be expensive because their easily detachable peels make them unsuitable for an ad-supported monetization model.)


Jan 09

Satyam Chairman on Trial

It’s a big day. The courtroom is packed. With journalists, shareholders, programmers & Barkha Dutt. After all, today’s the day when the Satyam Chairman & CEO, B Ramalinga Raju, is in the dock. The judge is looking solemn. The public prosecutor is looking smug. In the background, the national emblem adds gravity to the proceedings. In order to remove any trace of bias, the words “Satyameva Jayate” have been masked so that it reads “eva Jayate”. Ramalinga Raju has taken the oath and the crowd too has been quietly swearing at him. The public prosecutor purposefully walks up to the witness stand.

Public Prosecutor (gravely courteous) : Would you prefer to remain standing or would you rather sit down?

Ramalinga Raju : Oh, I’ll sit down. This might be a witness stand, but I am a chairman. Heehee.

PP : You have been accused of serious corporate fraud. Do you plead guilty or not guilty.

RR : Actually, I am golti. But, to answer your question, not guilty.

A startled gasp runs through the courtroom.