Dare to think beyond the IIMs. Now dare to think beyond institutes that you think of, when you dare to think beyond the IIMs. And you have…
SIR CAWRY ACADEMY OF MANAGEMENT - A B-school of notional importance.

Sir Cawry Academy of Management has been set up in order to create a pool of well-trained young people who will be placed in political parties.

Every aspect of the academy, from the campus to the curriculum, has been designed to equip our students with hard-core management principles, so that they can become the dealers of tomorrow.

CAMPUS

The academy boasts of a sprawling campus near Delhi within easy access of the airport, parliament & Tihar. The entire area is a hi-security zone with numerous metal detectors, but students are trained to bypass them. Each student is assigned a personal car with a red light on top, and provided with an escort detail that clears the road for them. This of course, leads to minor problems, when more than one student is on the move at the same time. Wherever one sees, there’s a mess. But that’s only because we want to make sure that our students’ every desire is catered to; at all times.

CURRICULUM

Our course-material has been put together by an expert team from the government. Care has been taken to inculcate every skill needed for a political career.

Finance: Students start off with a nihilistic look at accounting where they start with double-entry bookkeeping and gradually drop entries till they reach no-entry bookkeeping. They then move on to more abstract concepts like currency, and are made to understand the correlation between the fall of the Rupee and the rise of the Anna. There are also optional programs like a lab on tender management titled, “How to avoid making issues out of tissues” and seminars on thought-provoking topics like – If Gandhi said, “be the change you want to be”, why is his photo on a 500-rupee note?

Marketing: The first-year is dedicated to advertising and branding with a few explorations into cut-outs. By the end of this, students will be able to precisely decide the appropriate size of the photos of the PM, party chief, CM, etc. on any ad or poster, on an absolute as well as relative scale. In the second-year, we cover more advanced concepts like Brand Extensions, and demonstrate how a single name (Rajiv, just to pick a random example) can be used for everything from airports to stadiums to sea-links to welfare schemes. Students also acquire hands-on experience in P.R. with scintillating role-play exercises like “Stay silent for weeks on end” and “Denounce an orange tree for having RSS links”.

HR: As the name of this discipline suggests, students are gradually trained to stop looking at people as humans and start looking at them as resources. This is done through a combination of theoretical rationalization and practical exploitation. The course includes a field-trip during which a student has to enter a random house in a village and in the pretext of understanding them better, eat their dinner and commandeer their cot. Seamless succession planning is taught by visiting faculty from TN – A 6-day compulsory session in which complex issues are tackled. For example, “Who is more senior in the party? The leader’s wife’s brother? Or the leader’s daughter’s husband?”

Other disciplines: We believe all our students have a Right to Information Technology. So, everyone is given an iPad on joining (Yes! We dare to think beyond laptops). They are then taught how to create a Twitter account and it is deeply impressed upon them to change their passwords regularly. To take a random example – From sonia123 to rahul123 and then back again, the next month. There are other optional courses like Logistics, in which students apply analytical skills to tackle real-life problems. A typical project would be something like – How to transport 3 truckloads of alcoholic beverages to voters, and 4 truckloads of voters to a rally, within 6 hours, given only 2 trucks.

EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

Sir Cawry Academy of Management believes that a well-rounded politician (who may or may not be called Nitin) needs to go beyond academics. We therefore encourage our students to participate in various games and societies. Some of which are:

a) Rushing the well – A team-building exercise in which students race each other to a pre-determined area while creating synchronized uproar.
b) Dodge ‘em – A simulation game in which sandals are thrown from all directions and the player has to avoid being hit.
c) Health & well-being Society – A study group that analyzes the symptoms of ailments like memory-loss.
d) Art appreciation – An exploration of the influences of statues on status.

PLACEMENT

Sir Cawry Academy boasts of a 100% placement record. The top students join national parties, while others are absorbed into various regional parties. Any student who misses out on these is take in by the communist party because they believe in people who are left.

ADMISSION

In line with our quest to encourage youth in our country to join the political process, we have a highly streamlined application procedure. Interested candidates need to submit only two documents. One, a cheque for Rs.1,786 crores. (This can be post-dated by 7 years or till the date of the 5G auction, whichever comes earlier). And two, a slip of paper with the candidate’s family name. The candidate’s own name is optional. After all, the motto of Sir Cawry Academy of Management is “Aaj ka beta, kal ka neta”.

Part 1 was a selection of tweets that pertained to actual events that happened in 2010. While this post is a selection (with no real standards) of my general views on things, neatly segregated into topics. So you could say that Part 1 comprised my topical tweets organized by time. While Part 2 has my er… timely tweets organized by topic.

Here they are. And as we say in Rome – Caveat Lector.

On media : Who are supposed to be the watchdogs of democracy, but have unfortunately misplaced the watch.

Now that they’ve launched the Crest Edition, the rest of TOI can focus on the trough.

Newspapers have columns, while TV channels have rows.

Every issue has a poll from Barkha, a debate from Arnab, a theory from Rajdeep and of course, a solution from C-Bag.

TV news is weighed down by its anchors.

When entertainment channels start showing reality shows, news channels have to move to fiction, no?

Barkha Dutt came out so strongly against raw news that I’ve started wondering if all NDTV news is cooked-up.

Arnab & Rajdeep will make a fantastic pair. Arnab never lets anyone complete a sentence, while no sentence of Rajdeep is worth completing.

And more on Arnab. You can love him or hate him. But you just can’t interrupt him.

Some people are born Arnab. Some people achieve arnabdom. But most people have Arnab thrust upon them.

Rajinikant once completed a sentence in an Arnab interview.

I wish it had been Arnab instead of Moses on Mt. Sinai. He wouldn’t have allowed God to go beyond one commandment.

On cricket : Where our players topped the ranking, while BCCI continued to top the banking.

Dear BCCI, how can cricket be a cash cow if it doesn’t have UDRS?

The problem with BCCI is that it focusses on “Board of Control” more than “Cricket in India”.

India has now played more ODIs than any other team. As per Bharatiyaar’s advice – ODI vilayadu papa.

Not taking wickets is a cultural thing. In India you don’t dismiss anybody. You just transfer them.

In the Nepali cricket team, every player can be the nightwatchman.

Knock knock | Who’s there? | Uda Walawwe Mahim Bandaralage Chanaka Asanka Welegedara | Okay, come in one by one.

The last time Ponting showed some form was at the Indian immigration counter.

On Indian players. In batting order (for no reason)

When Sachin bats, there’s “noise in stadium”. i.e. “din in game”. An anagram of “Indian Gem”. Which translates to “Bharat Ratna”. QED.

#tamil Sehwag really lives up to his name. Viru virunu varuvan. Viru virunu adippan. Viru virunu povan.

Rahul Dravid will make a lousy Cinderella. He would just let the ball go.

Most of Laxman’s big partnerships have been with the wall or with the vaal. #tamil

The feeling you get when you see a guy underperform yet again – Jadeja Vu

Dhoni is always ready to help creatures on the verge of extinction. Tigers. And before that Ravindra Jadeja.

It’s a good thing Anil Kumble got a circle named after him. That’s the one place he regularly gets turn.

One must admire Harbhajan’s honesty. He clearly declares that he is off spin.

On Bollywood : Which suffered from a big credit squeeze, that was subsequently passed on to Chetan Bhagat

Release of Rann postponed. Looks like RGV is worried it’ll turn out to be another also-Rann.

Things not looking good for ‘My name is Khan’. You see, it’s an anagram of ‘sank in mayhem’.

The next time my car breaks down, I’m going to call Amitabh Bachchan. I heard he is everybody’s ambassador.

Be very careful when you go to see Raavan. If the ticket price is shown as Rs.200 per head, you may have to pay Rs.2,000.

Raavan seems to suggest that Sita failed the agni pariksha. And became Ash.

And while on Raavan, do you know that Vaali & Sugreeva made the same film thousands of years back. It was a Vaanar Brothers production.

On politics : Where we saw much drama and great comedy. But hardly any action.

Parliament is the place where badly-behaved people have an unruly discussion about what they saw on TV yesterday.

Parliament is a laws-making PSU.

If the govt. takes over google, “I’m feeling lucky” will be replaced by “Do you know who my father is?”

India doesn’t practice democracy. We practice elected aristocracy.

People join politics for public goods.

When a politician says “the buck stops here”, what exactly does he mean?

If “buck” is responsibility, then he’s a good guy. If “buck” is money, then he’s a bad guy. If “buck” is a deer, then he’s Salmaan Khan.

On society : Where we have thought police, moral police, culture police; every kind of police except police police.

I propose that the national song of India be changed to Bandh-e-Mataram.

Corny slogan suggestion : Say nah to the Sena.

Did you know that “it’s Bal Thackeray” is an anagram of “He balatkars city”?

MNS is a mns to society.

MNS demands that flights out of Mumbai should not use Bernoulli’s Principle. They should use Abhyankar’s Conjecture instead.

These violent “nationalists” are a real pain in the RSS.

The RSS is India’s most accessible party. Wherever you may be, they are just a stone’s throw away.

Pramod Muthalik is a champion of fundamental riots.

Just figured out why Pramod Muthalik sent goons to bit up youngsters in the Mangalore pub – His name anagrams to “thump amoral kid”.

The Ramayana had a subliminal message that the Ram Sene pounced on – if you Luv, you won’t be Kush. And vice-versa.

In Haryana – Thrashes to thrashes, lust to lust. If the khaps don’t get you, the cops must.

An optimistic Jat is one who sees that his Khap is half full.

What to tell a cop when he is kicking you out of a pub at 11.30 p.m. : Pitcher abhi baaki hai mere dost. Pitcher abhi baki hai.

General Stuff : The cracks that fell into the cracks

If all the potholes in NH-13 were laid side by side, it would still look exactly like NH-13.

I’ll never run a marathon. In the long run, I’ll be dead.

John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is completely out-of-date. It says nothing about telemarketers.

This 72 virgins business is an obvious sham. Paradise is actually the place where you get a great Biryani. #hyderabad

Warning : Do not believe this Axe Effect nonsense. A guy called Parashurama tried it centuries back and remained a bachelor all his life.

That’s that folks. I promise you, there’s no Part 3. You could, however, follow me on twitter. And do try Short Puts which is the archive of most of my tweets, with the added bonus of a new color scheme every time you refresh the page.

Disclaimer : Any offence given to any religion, state, nation, sex, profession, sect, caste, family, person, belief or delusion is entirely regretted. In other words, don’t beat me up, I’m a coward.

This was the year in which Kalmadi made a killing, Assange did some spilling, CBI kept grilling, while Manmohan was just chilling.

The year in which Sachin kept scoring, and er.., so did Nityananda.

Many things happened. Lalit Modi was deposed, Yana Gupta was exposed, Rahman composed, while as usual, Deve Gowda reposed.

So here’s the year the way I saw it. On Twitter.

January

Jyoti basu dies at 11.47 a.m., yet again almost making it to P.M.

UPSC increases civil services intake from 580 to 965. Ouch. 385 more bureaucrats each year. A real Babulation Explosion.

Kerala gets 3G services. Now they can call themselves “GGGods own country”.

February

Kishenji announces his phone number : 9734695789 . Now we don’t need the army to fight him. ICICI will finish him off.

Lok Sabha meets. Noise. Confusion. Lok Sabha adjourns. It’s time we rename our parliament the Joke Sabha.

India says no to Bt brinjal. An auberginity lost?

March

Eyjafjallajokull causes much dust, grime, trouble & laughter.

Everybody in India is laughing at the name – Eyjafjallajokull. From Udhagamandalam, to Thiruvananthapuram.

What’s common to Iceland & Abhishek? Both are wondering what to do with ash.

Sania Mirza announces that she’s going to marry Shoaib Malik

Thank God, Sania doesn’t have to do 7 pheras with Shoaib. She’ll never get past the first round.

Anagram of “Sania has a Malik” – “Asli aman ki asha”.

April

ND Tiwari may have to take DNA test. Ha. So far for him, a double-helix was just an interesting position in bed.

Sachin Tendulkar’s birthday today? Let’s celebrate it as runmashtami.

The good thing is that Sachin has turned 37. Which means, for the next 365 days, he will be in his prime.

IPL-3 happens with much glitz, glamour & goris.

Definite Punjab victory over Mumbai today. Mumbai may have the X-factor in Sachin. But Yuvi gives Punjab the XXL-factor.

Matthew Hayden to change his name to Matthew_Hayden. After all he is a chronic under-scorer.

If Vijay Mallya had his way, after the quarter-finals, IPL would have the half-finals & full-final.

And the post-IPL party starts.

If an aquarium can have water and a planetarium, planets, why can’t a consortium have a consort?

Tharoor to Sunanda on Orkut – “will you make fraaaanchise with me?”

Forget floccinaucinihilipilification. The new longest non-technical word will be foxyproxyiniplleadstovilification.

BJP, RJD & BSP want JPC probe into IPL so that NCP will get caught & UPA will be in trouble. Acronymous scenes in parliament.

May

If India were a gym, Delhi would be the sauna, Chennai, the steam-room & Bangalore, the a/c reception. Mumbai will be the pool in 2 months.

Facebook banned in Pakistan? Maybe someone should tell them that “poke” has nothing to do with pigs.

Punjab farmer bids Rs.10L for Car Regn. No. CH01AC0001. What prosperity. CH01AC001 De India.

Kasab gets sentenced

Like all sentences, Kasab’s too ends in a full stop.

If he’s sentenced to death, Kasab will be 51st in the queue. “Capital” punishment just means your file is stuck in Delhi.

Subhash Ghai was ahead of his times. He introduced 4G in 1989. A-G, oh-G, lo-G suno-G.

June

FIFA World Cup provides a lot of kicks

I don’t think Mexico will make any attempt at the Argentinian goal. A Mexican can’t take a shot without salt and lemon.

I think Italy should be allowed to have an extra player on the field. After all, Azzurri usually comprises 12 people.

The feeling of having heard a damn irritating noise before – Deja Vu-vuzela

On the offside, first there is God, then there is Ganguly. And then sometimes Argentina.

If India had qualified for the World Cup, Chetan Bhagat would have been goalie & Mamata the forward. He can block, she can strike.

Germany, Uruguay, Netherlands & Spain. So the big G.U.N.S. have made it to the semis.

TN may free 500 convicts to mark Tamil conference. Why, may i know? Did classical Tamil have shorter sentences?

Ahmedabad to celebrate World Blood Donation day. Hopefully, this time around, they’ll keep it voluntary.

July

Bopanna & Qureshi to play tennis match with Wagah border as the net. Thereby showing that there are faults on both sides.

CWG fun begins

Now I understand why the CWG mascot is called Shera. They want a Shera this, a Shera that, and a Shera everything that makes money.

New HR rating scheme- 5: Exceeds Expectations, 4: Meets Expectations, 3: Average, 2: Needs Improvement, 1: Kalmadi.

Suresh Kalmadi plans to give us the Common & the Games. The rest, he’ll keep.

So Amit Shah is behind the Sohrabuddin fake encounter uh? Makes sense. His name is, after all, an anagram of “a sham hit”.

August

Manmohan becomes third PM to hoist flag at Red Fort for 7th time. Sigh. So many hoisters, so few pearls.

If life gives you lemons, be very happy. They’re now Rs.100 per kg.

I’d like to start a paper factory that supplies clean chits to the CBI. Big business potential.

Congress to have elections to decide its President. Ha. That’s like Robinson Crusoe conducting interviews to select his assistant.

It’s a great day for our planet. All the top places in Miss Universe are bagged by earthlings.

Spot-fixing controversy hits Pakistan cricket

Pakistan is the world champion in book cricket.

There’s actually a website that does nothing but spot-fixing. It’s called Foursquare.

September

CWG action continues

Finally some positive news about the CWG – 5 athletes test positive for dope.

1.6 million meals to be served during CWG. Oh. No wonder they have created such a big mess.

Delhi gets hit by Dengue.

What Delhi needs is some Ram Sene folks. They won’t let the mosquitoes breed till they get married.

I propose that we make mosquitoes our national insect. Then the government will try to protect them and they’ll become extinct.

Kasab case drags on

Sentenced terrorists have a good time in india – They are footloose and phaansi free.

UID launched. The first person gets an aadhar number. The second gets anaadhar number. And so on.

I guess, in Jalandhar, people will soon be bidding lakhs of rupees for a premium UID number.

Ayodhya verdict happens. Seems to be on the basis of Share-ya law.

This Ayodhya issue is quite complex. Hindus want a temple, Muslims want a mosque, while Mayawati actually wants a statue.

Off to Google Maps to mark Nungambakkam as Rameshjanmabhoomi so that there’s no confusion in 5510AD.

Raymonds wants to sponsor the Ayodhya verdict, because it turned out to be a 3-piece suit.

October

Obama’s goal seems to be to see as much of India and as little of Indians as possible.

In TN, a million more TV sets will be distributed. Our whole country seems to be in an alms race.

Advice to Arundhati Roy : if at first you don’t secede, cry, cry, cry again.

Mukesh Ambani is not the first to stay in Antilla. Centuries back, Valmiki used to hang out in one.

November

The more the number of Diwali sweets in your house, the faster they get spoilt. : Burfi’s Law.

Raja scam explodes

A. Raja is living proof that there is a pot of gold at the end of the spectrum.

In India, scams have an alarming frequency. And now, with Raja, frequencies have an alarming scam.

Dear Manmohan Singh, it would be apt if you could sack our telecom minister using radio language : Raja. Over and out.

Manmohan Singh continues to do nothing about anything

Manmohan Singh’s Third Law of Motion : Every action has an equal and opposite inaction.

One day there will be a movie made about Manmohan Singh. And the director will go, “Lights. Camera. Inaction.”

Manmohan Singh’s personal integrity is unquestionable. Mostly because he never attends question hour.

Yeddy allots land to his children

My name is Yeddy. I’m a great father, a cool deddy. Politics has been bleddy, but be happy that I am steddy. ‘Cos else you’ll be stuck with Reddy.

The nation finds out that Radia : Government :: Sonia : Manmohan

Q : How do you fit 1000 media people in a hotel? A : 998 in 499 double rooms. And Barkha & Sanghvi in the lobby.

There was a lady, Radia. Whose contacts could fill stadia. But to get stuff done, she’d trust no one, except the helpful media.

December

Wikileaks threatens national security, or rather politicians’ security

I came. I saw. No one was around. So i took a leak. – Veni Vidi Wiki.

TIME had a difficult choice for Person of the Year. Assange, who attacked governments’ privacy. Or Zuckerberg, who went after people’s.

No no. You have to wear a condom. A red ribbon does not prevent AIDS.

Sarkozy is a VIP Frenchie, right?

Sarkozy to Bruni on Orkut – Shall we be France?

To protect against hacking, DRDO instructs all government officials to change their password from sonia123.

MMS & team are busy blowing balloons for Sonia’s birthday. They’ve told their staff that they’re tackling inflation.

Diggy on the railway, taking some calls. Along came an Injun & broke Diggy’s balls. “Eey,” said Diggy, in a squeak. “Ha,” said the Injun, “now no more leaks.”

Many bills were passed in the parliament session. Travel bills, food bills, etc.

We should also screw China by issuing visas that are attached by mere gem-clips.

There was this guy called Manian. Very very fond of onion. He ate ‘em till it hurt. So he lost his shirt. Now he roams in a chaddi & banian.

More stuff in Part 2. And yes, you can follow me on Twitter here. And if you have as much of a life as I do, you could read the rest of the stuff, on Short Puts.

Everybody knew what the questions would be. The usual stuff – Pakistan, terrorism, inflation, Naxals, corruption, Rahul, Sonia, and so on.

And everybody knew that there would be no real answers. If it’s a problem, we will look into it. If it’s corruption, the law will take its course. If it’s violence, we are open to talks. And if it’s the Family, we will wax eloquent about them. I wish the man at least tried it to make it a bit interesting. We know he is just a puppet, but even puppets are supposed to entertain, aren’t they?

Anyway, like we do in the case of so many other things, let us try self-help. If the government staunchly refuses to answer our questions, we shall have to do it ourselves. So here are the real answers that Manmohan never gave…

On inflation & economy : Please remember that this is a UPA govt. Which is why the economy has gone UPA, not neechey. And unfortunately prices went UPA-2. However we are working very hard to bring prices down. This is a government you can count on. As well as discount on.

On Pakistan : Pakistan is our biggest neighbour. Of course, China is a far bigger country and we share a border with it, but we don’t consider them our neighbour because they are not very neighbourly. The problems with Pakistan basically stem from a trust deficit. So we need to maintain a dialogue with them. This is getting increasingly difficult though. Because of their recent policies, we are unable to poke them and we can’t send them pomegranate trees for their farms. We can’t even organize a simple tweetup of our foreign ministers. And once they ban gmail, I just don’t understand how we can even contact them. And no, we can’t use the hotline either, because it just goes to a call-centre in Pakistan where middle-aged women talk dirty to us. They really should understand that if social media disappears, everything that is left will be anti-social. Then Aman Ki Asha doesn’t have a chance. Only Yaman Ki Asha.

On Naxals : I’ve been saying for three years that Naxalism is the biggest internal security threat that our country faces. Before that it used to be the guys throwing sandals at our ministers, but now Naxalism has taken a comfortable lead. The root cause of this problem is that their side is filled with Kishens while we seem to have only Kanhaiyyas. So we are a bit reluctant to just go in and wipe them out. You could call it a thrust deficit. Or you could call it a Kishen Jam. Also, we suffer from a limited mandate. i.e. we have limited men and limited dates. Which makes it a logistical nightmare.

On Terrorism : Terrorism knows no religion. Incidentally, it’s also pretty weak at calculus. This government’s stance has been very clear. Whenever we see terror, we promptly condemn it. We assure the terrorists that they will not be able to get away with stuff like this, and we make it very clear that we will not tolerate it. Such hard-hitting statements are bound to sap the morale and resolve of the terrorists. As they say, a bad posture can damage one’s spine. So our government has developed considerable expertise in posturing. In addition to this, when we do capture a terrorist or two, we demonstrate that we have no intention of executing them. So that by the time they do get to paradise they will be far too old to do anything constructive with all those virgins. Their spirit might be willing, but their flesh will be a bit too weak. Heh, heh.

On caste census : In the last election, the people gave us a fractured verdict. Which is why we are dependent on cast. So it’s not possible to just wish away caste equations. But frankly, I really don’t see what the fuss is about. To understand the reason for caste being recorded, you need to first understand the reason for the census. With great effort we collect a lot of data about our people. At a broad level, it throws up a number which we enter into wikipedia as our official population. We then use the various measures gathered to decide stuff like per-capita income & literacy levels. This is a great morale booster because all the people who get to hear about the census are above-average in income and literacy. Also, the finance minister and planning commission use these figures to fix the second decimal place in the thousands of crores they regularly allocate to various welfare schemes. In a nutshell, the census exists to throw up inaccurate figures that nevertheless add an illusion of great detail to various unnecessary schemes that are never implemented anyway. Therefore, any parameter, that can give us another pie-chart or two adds to the richness of the census. Caste is just one of them. In fact, in the next census we are even considering finding out stuff like your favourite colour, lucky number and so on. Please understand – A census without detail is a complete non-census.

On Raja & corruption : For the last 6 years, the UPA has been harping on inclusive growth. Which essentially means that our allies are included in the growth. We have also guaranteed a minimum amount that all the regional parties can make out of public funds. What we call the Common Minimum Programme. So all Raja has done is access his legitimate share. After all without the rising sun, you won’t even have a spectrum, no?

On Rahul Gandhi : Rahul Gandhi is well qualified for a cabinet post. He has piled on to so many people’s houses, that he can be Home Minister. His Spanish girlfriend qualifies him for External Affairs. He got into St. Stephens for his pistol-shooting abilities. So Defence is a possibility. Plus, they say, he has been managing $2 billion dollars in his Swiss Bank which means he could well be our Finance Minister. Seriously, with such all-round abilities, he can be not just a Prime Minister but a Composite Minister.

On illegal mining in Orissa : There is no such thing as illegal mining. Possession, they say, is nine-tenths of the law. If I possess some land it is mine. If it don’t, it is not mine. So please stay away from this issue. You all know what will happen if you step on a mine. Or step on mine. And do remember, at least the state lives up to its name – “Ore”issa. Instead of being like Kashmir which is draining all our cash or Manipur, on which we just spend money.

On the support of the left : Ah! If wishes were horses, a genie would give you three Sarah Jessica Parkers. But leaving that aside, the Left is welcome to join us. The doors of UPA are open to anyone. All any party has to do is win a few seats in parliament, send us proof of the results, and complete the slogan – Sonia Gandhi is great because ….. in not more than 10 words. Incidentally, this contest is also open to employees and relatives of the organisers.

On his legacy : How can I leave a legacy? I have no political will. Hehe. That was a joke. I am not bothered about legacy issues. It is for historians to decide. Or perhaps physicists. That’s because I am a puppet. An honest, decent puppet, but a puppet all the same. And so to understand my legacy, you will need some knowledge of the String Theory.

Jai Hind.

Offer : The Prime Minister is free to use these answers in the next press conference which, the track record suggests, will be held around 2015. You see, the questions are likely to remain the same.

Picture : Whacked from the BBC. Much thanks to them.

So I dug them out and here they are. I know they are a bit dated (they pertain to stuff that happened 6-8 months back), but what the heck, it’s still better to have nursery rhymes that are drawn from India circa 2008 than Europe circa 16th century. Sing along for best results …

Based on “Little Miss Muffet”.

Little Miss Jaya,
Eats some papaya,
Along with some curd and rice.
If you want a favour,
Some money you gave her,
For Miss Jaya comes at a price.

Based on “Pussy Cat Pussy Cat”.

Prakash Karat, Prakash Karat, where have you been?
I’ve been to Beijing to visit the Cheen.
Prakash Karat, Prakash Karat, what did you there?
I promised my bosses, that I’d do my share.

Based on “Old MacDonald”.

Old Mamata B went to a farm. Eeya Eeya O.
And on that farm, she saw a plant. Ayyayyayyo.
With some protests here,
And some violence there.
Here a speech, there a speech,
Everywhere a screech screech.
Old Mamata B caused great harm. No Nano Nano.

Based on “Ding Dong Bell”.

Ding dong division bell.
The MPs are in the well.
Who put them in?
Advani the thin.
Who pulled them out?
Somnath the stout.
What a rowdy bunch of gents,
Sit in our noisy parliaments.

Based on “Rock-a-bye Baby”.

Rock-a-bye Gowda, was dozing on top.
When he saw progress, Gowda would stop.
When people voted, Gowda did fall.
And down they came, Gowda, HDK and all.

Based on “Wee Willie Winkie”

Hoy Hoysa Hoysala, drives through the town.
Upstreet & downstreet, wearing a frown.
Knocking down the singers,
And closing down the bars.
Are all the adults in their beds? It’s past 11 o’clock.

Coming soon (hopefully with some relevant stuff) – Part 3. Suggestions are welcome.

Disclaimer : Any resemblance that the silly events described in these childish rhymes have to the deliberate, statesmanlike actions of our esteemed leaders is obviously co-incidental. Also, please do not try this at school.